I CAN MOONWALK!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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