i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
