I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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