I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
