Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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