Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
