Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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