It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
