I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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