Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ketchup is God's man juice
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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