let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
