I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
