Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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