One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
