How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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