Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
