Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
