my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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