i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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