420 ftw
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
