I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
