don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
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