they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
