its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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