i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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