im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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