Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
