I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
