I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
