More tranny stories later!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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