So drunk, too bad you don't want this
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
