just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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