My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
