Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
