So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
