I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
