you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
