My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
