why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
