I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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