Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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