Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
