Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.