my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.