I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
We should try that some time.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep