Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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