thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
