So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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