you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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