I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
