i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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