I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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