tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
