If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
