She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
