you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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