is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
