he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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