We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
