You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
